A politician was in the "box" being cross examinied in regards to charges that he embezzled a sizable amount of government money.

The politician, weary of being attacked by the prosecuting attrorney, lashed out, saying that "lawyers aren't one bit better than politicians!"

The presiding judge, equally weary of hearing lawyers being attacked, twinkle in her eye, told a JOKE!

A certain Treasure Coast attorney bought a new Mercedes and was coming home on I-95 after a party with friends. It was a pleasant evening, the top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," thought the lawyer, and stepped on the gas. The needle hit 90, 100, 110, 130 and finally 150 with the lights still behind him.

Snapping back to reality, he suddenly thought, "What the heck am I doing?" and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car, although the lawyer told the deputy that he was an officer of the court.

"Okay, Mr. Attorney," he said, "I've had a tough shift and this is my last traffic stop. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!"

The quick-thinking laywer cleverly replied: "Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

Subject: Proper Descriptions of Patient Conditions

It has come to our attention that pur paralegals, clerks, and even the attorneys themselves have had their narratives have taking a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following:

"I found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name "Marylou" written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."

"Calm down, honey," the doc replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."

The next morning, his wife strode up behind him again and once again, "Whap!" right on the back of his head.

"What was that for?" he whinned.

A physician and an attorney friend were both at a party, and their conversation was repeatedly interrupted by people who described all their various legal problems, asking the lawyer for all sorts of free legal advice.

After about two hours of this, the attorney was pretty annoyed and asked the doctor, "what do you do to stop people from asking you for free medical advice outside the office?"

The doc said, "Oh, I go ahead and give them whatever advice they ask for, and then I send them a bill...."

A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I'm the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of that, I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

What do a Malpractice Insurance Agent and a sperm have in common?